I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
