is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
