those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
