I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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