The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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