Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
These tits shall not be calmed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
