Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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