You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
