I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
