he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
