so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
