I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
