Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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