I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
