He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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