oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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