Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
