Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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