I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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