So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
