I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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