New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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