Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
