Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
