so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
