i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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