It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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