So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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