Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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