life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
