how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
