hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
