Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
