oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Girls should come with a carfax report
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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