I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He better not be in your backpack
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
