she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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