There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
