i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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