listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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