Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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