A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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