Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
