if you like me you must not know who I am
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
