Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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