if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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