I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
