I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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