Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
