your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
