i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
